Infinite Unified Existence
There are stories that explain our existence, but they don’t answer all the questions we have about what we are doing here. Some say that before we were even born, there was a plan. Our creator, or Source, had decided when we would enter this realm and what family we’d be born into. Our home would be named Earth, and she’d be mostly water and some land.
Born a millennial and having thrived through many mass material events, I was left with more questions than answers. The subtle but not-so-surface-level question at first was, who am I? As I experienced more life, I realized my only question wasn’t who am I, but what is my purpose?
Born on Earth Day, it couldn’t be a coincidence.
I think back on the days in the country and how I used to be afraid of bugs. Little did I know that I’d carry the memory of a dragonfly surrounding me as I slept in the backseat of the car. I remember waking up in a panic. I didn’t remember falling asleep on the way home from Savary Park in Digby, Nova Scotia. We always went on a picnic when we went to visit Nanny.
Thinking about that dragonfly had me realizing that, all along, they were an extension of my own being.
Fast-forward to years later, and dragonflies come to visit me, especially during the summer solstice. Who knew that those long summer days in the city would always bring me back to the country?
At first, it started off as a visit here and there. Then came one day last July, the most transformational month. That particular day, I had gone to the beach with one of my sisters and my niece and nephew. A bright green dragonfly flew over and sat right on my hand as I was playing and lowering myself to be free from the fear of drowning.
That particular day was more special because I also ended up seeing my son with his cousins on his dad’s side at the same beach. My sister made a joke about returning from the water with my son, but that day was no coincidence.
Over the last few years, life has surprised me with how easily I became less fearful as I became more and more of myself. I was intentional about my way of living. I started to recognize my own patterns and the environments around me. I began to open my heart up, only to discover that I actually have a rainbow sitting there, making sure I bend in ways that suit me while still feeling worthy of showing up as my true self.
Spending time outside is natural to me. It always has been. I used to run around the freshly mowed lawn, barefoot and ready to run. I was born a free thinker. I was never meant to be confined to a box. I know my Nanny knew it, too. She, too, was an Earth angel.
She never minded any bugs in her house except the flies. They were a distraction way before I knew which vibration they were clinging to.
But each summer and into the fall, I always get a visit from the bees, butterflies, and ladybugs. It is in those moments when time feels like it’s lapsing, but I’m actually participating fully. I talk to them; they respond in meaningful ways that only the moment itself can tell me I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.
My latest encounter with a praying mantis had me more grounded and still because I had stooped low to meet it with my eyes. Our eyes met, too. As it slowly moved its legs in a fanciful manner, it paused and looked back.
Yes, I was still there, appreciating its very existence alongside mine.
“Go ahead,” I said. “Show me how you move.”
At last, I stepped back and let it live its truth.